We humans share the common experience of suffering. The measure of suffering is dependent on our perception of our life experiences.

We suffer with the experience of pain, addiction, obesity, anxiety, depression, mood disorders, homelessness, spiritual despair, loneliness, disability, stress, shortness of breath, frailty, loss, grief, hopelessness, etc.

The experience of suffering may be distinct and separate from what we believe we are suffering with. For example, look at anticipatory pain/fear…

“I have an appointment to go to the dentist today. I hate the dentist. I hate the needles, the poking, scraping and the sound of the drill. I don’t want to go. I never want to go. My heart is racing. My mouth is dry. My thoughts are racing and I feel out of control.”

Our stress response is reacting to where our thoughts are focused. With the experience of  anticipatory pain or fear; releasing large amounts of  adrenalin and cortisol into our blood stream. Our stress response is a physiological response that is designed to save our lives. The response is similar to what happens chemically in our bodies when being chased by a saber tooth tiger.  When our bodies are in a stress response, blood is directed away from organs and body systems that are not required for saving your life (i.e. your gut) and directed towards the muscles of your heart, arms and legs (so you can outrun or fight the tiger).  Chronic, sometimes constant states of the stress response destroys our human body and exacerbates any feelings we might have towards our life experiences.

Suffering is our patterned response to our thoughts about our life experiences.

How do we relieve suffering?  Instill a sense of hope that suffering can be lessened. That suffering is also a physiological response in our bodies that we have control over.

First, notice how you feel in the moment. Am I feeling stress or am I okay?

Second, notice what thoughts/behaviors trigger feelings of stress or what trigger feelings of wellbeing.

Third, notice that you have the ability to change your focus.

This is the art of living mindfully; the practice of noticing in the moment how you feel without judgment.

When we recognize that we have control over our thoughts and the way we feel, we reap the benefits of the physiological relaxation response. The relaxation response is the opposite of the stress response. These two states CAN NOT happen in our bodies at the same time. When experiencing the relaxation response our bodies naturally release the chemicals serotonin (think Prozac, Lexapro, Paxil), melatonin (think sleeping pills) and endorphins (our own naturally occurring morphine that is 100x stronger that the man-made medicine).

When we find beneficial ways to sooth ourselves by focusing our thoughts and behaving in ways that trigger a relaxation response; we relieve our suffering.

Love relieves suffering; love of self (through respectfully focusing and behaving in ways that are soothing to us) and the love of others.

To help relieve the suffering of others, we must listen/spend time with the intent of deeply understanding suffering. Through the experience of deep listening (or spending time) with the hope of understanding we instill/experience hope.

Ask yourself:

“Am I doing what I can to help relieve my own suffering?”

“Who in my life helps relieve my suffering?”

“Am I helping to relieve the suffering of others?”