The opposite of love is not hate, it is judgement.

Do you ever wonder what people mean when they say “love yourself first”? or  “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself first”?

How often do we hear ourselves say/think “I should……”?

Should=Judgement

Our human minds are wired to be judgmental. 95% of the time we unconsciously use this strategy every moment of the day to determine whether what we are experiencing is something we want more of or something we want less of. This predominantly unconscious desire or lack of desire drives our behaviors and ultimately shapes the culture of the communities that we exist in.

But what if what we are experiencing is something that we don’t desire? What if this chronic practice of judging ourselves has left us feeling stuck or unworthy?

Start by noticing how often we say/think/hear the word ‘should’.

Here is something that can be very helpful…instead of should, say/think/suggest…”I wonder if…”.

Curiosity is a very therapeutic way of approaching a situation instead of being judgmental about it.  For example:  “I wonder how I would feel after I go to the gym this morning” instead of “I should go to the gym”. Can you feel the difference?

This practice of constantly catching ourselves being judgmental in the moment is a mindfulness practice. Making the decision to be curious instead of judgmental is an expression of love and respect.

A colleague who is struggling recently said to me “even when I meditate, I know I am resistant. I don’t want to be sitting there and my mind is wandering all over the place. I should be better at this by now”.

The benefits of meditation happen when we release the judgment and just let the experience be what it is…the practice of focusing our minds. It is the practice of focusing that is the skill and having control over what we focus on…all day long.

Once we practice this self-love strategy and get better at it, we can start thinking about how judgmental we are about others.