Even if you don’t even know what you want; you can start today without any special training or skill set. It is your birthright to pursue the life that you want.

Merriam-Webster defines nurture as: the care and attention given to someone or something that is growing or developing.

Our lives are complicated. We have been making decisions this whole time based on beliefs that have been taught and reinforced by every influence in our lives. For things to be different, we do not need to abandon our lives necessarily. It is possible that there are beliefs that no longer serve us and we need help to identify and change them. Beliefs are simply thoughts we keep having. If we want to change a belief, we need to pay close attention to our pervasive thoughts. Remember that 95% of the time, we are simply reacting to thoughts that are unconscious. Only 5% of the time do we actually pause to consider what we are experiencing and respond in an intentional way. This is mindfulness. What we need to do is start being mindful of thoughts we are having and decisions we are making all day long. When we have the intention of being conscious of our thoughts, beliefs and the decisions we are making, we have the power to create a life that we actually want.

This post describes how I am pursuing the life that I actually want. It will always be work in progress but I know I’m going in the right direction because I am paying close attention to how I feel. When making decisions, I focus on my emotional state. In earlier posts, I have described how to get to know what feeling in the flow feels like. I highly recommend that you get to know what being in the flow/zone feels like for you so that you know when a decision is in alignment with the life that you actually want or not.

 

This is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. When I think of what matters to me personally, where I want to focus spending my energy, this model helps me visualize what I need to prioritize. I can not work on higher levels of this pyramid until I have comfort in these lower domains.

Breathing.  I am grounded in breathing. When I feel myself reacting to a trigger (mind racing, anger, fear, pain), I get out of my head and focus on my breath. This is particularly helpful with racing thoughts. If I focus on thinking from my chest instead of from my head, I feel better.

When I think of the priority of breathing, I also think about what I am breathing in. Am I breathing in clean, fresh air. No? then go outside and take a couple refreshing breaths. A priority for me is to make decisions that allow me the freedom to keep breathing fresh air. This meant taking a job where I am not trapped inside in a fresh airless space. I do outreach so I can go outside.

Food.  I prioritize having the freedom to enjoy fresh, organic, real food. I want to eat things that my body can recognize as nutritious. I don’t want to worry about food or the cost of food. I adjust my lifestyle to assure myself the priority of healthy food. I like when food is grown locally by people in my community that I trust. I like to experience visiting where my food comes from. I like to see the chickens, the cows and the gardens. I enjoy growing my own food from seedlings. I desire the skills it takes to be as self-sufficient as possible.

Water. Every system in my body requires adequate hydration to function properly. I want that fluid to be a clean and pure as possible. I live in an area where it rains regularly and when it doesn’t, we are shocked. This drought is a reality check so I don’t take water for granted.

Shelter.  Our home shelters us from the elements. We find comfort here. It is filled with what we need to keep clean, warm and dry. Big enough to be comfortable and small enough to not be a burden. It is an efficient use of space and energy. We are prioritizing our home having a feeling of being both indoors and outdoors.  Our home is in the woods and feels like part of it’s natural surroundings. We cherish our beautiful sunsets.

Clothing.  After purging and donating hundreds and hundreds of pounds of clothing, we are left with only our most appropriate items. We only kept items that we loved; items that were comfortable or desirable for work or play and fit in our tiny house.

Sleep.  I believe we heal at night. All resistance is gone and our bodies have the chance to simply function at it’s best in this restful state, filtering through all systems, checking for any worn out cells, repairing where needed, cleaning out impurities and getting ready to do it all over again the next day.  When we are in a relaxed state, our bodies naturally release our own endogenous serotonin, melatonin and endorphins (mood elevators, cell wall repairing hormones and pain relievers). A comfortable, safe place to sleep and heal is a priority.

I believe that we suffer when our most basic human needs are not reliable. We make decisions out of fear and/or anger when we feel that we are out of control in meeting our basic needs. By focusing on prioritizing what these basic needs are and making decisions that assure their sustainability; I am now able to focus on wants not just needs. I am able to focus on my desire for other people to have their basic needs met so that I am surrounded by individuals who are not living in fear or anger either.

Now that my basic needs have been addressed, I can move on to the next level.

Health.  Health is a feeling. It is a perception. No one has the right to tell you that you are unhealthy. The life that I have led up to this point has created the state of my body today and my desire for feelings of health and wellbeing are my current focus and are taking shape. My state of health and well-being: body, mind and spirit, is directly effected by the decisions I make all day long. I choose to make decisions to spend time with people I love, places that are awe-inspiring, listening to sounds that bring me peace and joy, etc. It is while I am experiencing these things that I feel the healthiest.

You get the idea. I am purposefully considering each of these domains and because these needs are so basic; I am focused on them all day long. It is a way of starting to make decisions that improve my sense of well-being. Your values around each of these domains may be completely different. That is great! Just know what matters to you personally and try to make decisions in alignment of what you actually want so that you can create the life that you actually want.